Tuesday Review: The Dictator (2012)

Brian's 2-Cents:
Sacha Baron Cohen, when will you stop? The Dictator isn't so much of a comedy as it is a groaner.  As I sat through this movie, I couldn't help but continuously groan as I was forced to sit through lame joke after lame joke. Women are inferior *groan* I hate Jews *groan* etc.  Now that I think about it, The Dictator is just Borat without all the funny catchphrases. All the best jokes were given away in the preview, so I felt like I was watching this movie for the fourth time instead of the first.  Unlike Cohen's previous work, he didn't mess with any real (or actors pretending to be real) people, giving the whole film a forced feel.  The Dictator also felt a lot less risque than Cohen's previous films, I wanted to get the shit offended out of me, but instead I was just bored.

Ryan's Retort:
Despite all of the fantastic promotion that this film had received prior to its release, i.e. Sacha Baron Cohen spilling "Kim Jong Il's ashes" all over Ryan Seacrest, I found myself surprisingly disappointed by its predictability and lack of creativity. Not only did they give away all of the best parts in the trailer, but most of the other ones fell flat on their face. I suspect that this has something to do with the fact that this was the first attempt at an actual movie by Cohen and company, as opposed to just dressing up as a foreigner or a gay guy and pulling some hidden camera hijinks. In fact, most of the humor in the film seems rather forced. It's as if they were trying really hard to be offensive just for the sake of offending people, and they didn't even do a very good job of that. Hopefully, the next movie that Cohen undoubtedly produces will be streets ahead of this one. Until then, avoid "The Dictator" at all costs. That is, unless you enjoy wasting your money and your time.

Overview
Rating: 2 out of 5 Jew jokes
Did Jelani Fall Asleep: No.

VHS Review: Boogie Nights (1997)

2/5

When I bought this tape for $1.08 at the Goodwill, I was thrilled because it had one of my favorite people of all time in it, John C. Reilly.  In this movie, Reilly plays Reed Rothchild, a porn star just trying to make a living boning chicks and acting silly.  One day Rothchild is just chilling at his bosses sweet ass pad with a pool and hot chicks when some new dude comes along and drinks margaritas with him.  The new dude has a big dick or something and ends up co-staring in a action/porno with Rothchild.  2 hours later, Rothchild realizes he just wanted to do magic tricks the whole time, and quits porno, the end.  This movie was way too long, the first half of the movie having no conflict at all.  When the conflict (some guy who's not John C. Reilly gets addicted to drugs) finally happens, its predictable and not that interesting.  Oh did I mention you get to see Reilly shred some sweet guitar and Don Cheadle's there.  For your Health

Review of "Moneyball" by Brian

Apples-2

This movie was really long and mediocre.  Brad Pitt has some good ass acting, but in the end, the director did a poor job of getting me to care about any of the characters.  This movie had Jonah Hill not cursing or being funny at all, his best joke being "do want this door open or closed?"  The movie got a little exciting when the team started winning, but that didn't last long.  My favorite part of this movie was all the beautifully crafted spreadsheets.  Fuck yeah spreadsheets!  Actually the best part of the movie was that actor that plays Any on parks & recs, Criss Pratt.  I fucking love Criss Pratt, he was good in this playing a non-retard role.  Go see this movie with your dad, it counts as family bonding and you don't actually have to talk to him during the film.

Jelani's Two Cents
Yeah, it was really fucking boring. I'm not much of a sports guy, but I can get into a good sports movie. That is, if it actually has games in it. Instead of the underdog team rising to the top, you have numbers and statistics. If you're really a big baseball fan, then you will undoubtedly be won over by Brad Pitt in this one, but if not, then like me, you may only stay awake for the first 45 minutes. I can't even rate this.