Chan & Friends VHS Review: Mr. Nice Guy (1997)

By Jelani

Wow! Wowwee Wow Wow Zowee Jackie Chan is the coolest guy ever. This movie made every other Chan & Friends (as we at The Gun Rack call our Kung Fu VHS section) film look like a joke. Jackie Chan does most of his own stunts. The stunts in this movie were fucking nuts, and it retained its Jakie Chan brand slapstick silliness throughout. Chan is Mr. Nice Guy; a cooking show host and all around good guy. He randomly saves this hot chick from a bunch of hardcore gangsters after she gets caught filming them in the middle of a "deal." He inadvertently switches tapes with her and is immediately thrown into the middle of a two-pronged gang crusade to get the incriminating evidence back and cover their asses. There's only one problem; Jackie's little kid friend accidentally takes it. So he's forced to protect a hot redhead, a hot Asian, and a hot kinda black chick from these gangsters. He beats the shit out of them over and over all across town with a million props until they capture him. He breaks loose, saves his lady friends and completely demolishes the entire criminal empire. It was funny and action packed and I'm super impressed that Jackie Chan has done so many of these movies without being mangled beyond recognition. (C'mon, he fucking rolls over a table saw and scales a moving demolition truck!) The fight scenes are all sick, and Jackie gets to use his signature "I don't know why you're after me so I'm gonna beat you up with chairs as I run awaaay!" style of Kung Fu to awesome length. He's only the aggressor in the conflict at the very explosive end, and I wouldn't want it any other way. In my opinion, this is the quintessential Jackie Chan. It's his nicest role other than that one where he's a babysitter. Brian fell asleep and attests that "Drunken Master was way better" but that doesn't stop me from giving this fun-as-hell 90's Kung Fu romp a perfect 5 stars.

Billion Dollar Movie Review: Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie Review

Watch The Trailer HERE.

Jelani's Take:
As huge fans of the comedy of Tim and Eric, of course Movie Crew had to go see their movie debut in their billion dollar movie. As it turns out though, they spent the entire movie budget on giant diamonds, extravagant personal makeovers, and a suit made entirely of diamonds. Of course, this faux-paz causes the evil Schlaaang corporation to hunt them down for the capital they invested, and leads Tim and Eric to move into the dilapidated S'wallow valley mall in order to make back the $1,000,000,000 with some hard work and enterprising. This is the premise of Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, which was the best comedy that I have seen in a while. It had all of the weird humor that I've grown to love, and a slew of my favorite comedymen. Everyone in the movie was insane. The S'wallow valley mall, which was a hellish place on this earth, was run by a mentally damaged Will Ferrell, and tormented by the wolf in the pizza court. My favorite part, which made me laugh till' I cried at one point, was John C. Reilly's character Taquito who was raised in the mall and was a huge, very sick man-child. Everything about this movie was great. It was gross, absurd and ultimately a very-long episode of Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! The various shops within the mall served as their sillier and shorter bits, but they were all tied into the main, uh... Plot? But yeah, it was exactly the brain-frying that I had hoped it would be, and it was funny as hell. For those of you not familiar with this stuff, watch a few episodes of TEADGJ! and if you hate them, then just forget about this movie. But if you know what to expect, then I highly recommend you check it out! Ya dingus. 4 out of 5 stars for sure.

Tuesday Review: The Lorax

Watch The Trailer HERE.

Jelani's Take:
I know, I know, silly Movie Crew, this movie's for kids! But c'mon! After playing the role of Frank in Always Sunny for so long, anything starring even the voice of Danny DeVito is anything but a kid's flick. After our hearty dinner of candy and nothing else, we entered the fantastical world of Dr. Seuss on the big screen. And I must say; it was quite enjoyable! The Lorax was exactly what we had expected: it was a colorful, musical, silly and yet still morally driven PG film which was clever enough to support its own weight under audiences of all ages. The story is simple: a young man who is now only known as the Once-ler leaves his small town with dreams of being super-fucking-rich. Regardless of the ridicule he endures, he travels the world searching for the perfect material to make his extremely stupid product: "The Thneed." He stumbles upon a lush Seussian forest of trees and wildlife and proceeds to destroy it all, as the once-apprehensive masses suddenly turn and desire the fashionable tree-made thneed. The population of the world instantly forgets about the importance of nature and science and allow the world around them to be turned into a dystopian plastic-world where fresh air is bottled and sold. (A big plot device throughout the film is that the entire population is made up of idiotic consumerist whores.) This is where the lorax comes in. He is a nature-elemental or lesser god of sorts who "speaks for the trees" and has the fantastic voice of Danny DeVito. Throughout the film, he tries to make the Once-ler and the masses see the error of their ways and ultimately serves as the misguided fool's conscious. The main story is set in the past, and runs parallel to a story in the dystopian present. It all meshes together for quite an enjoyable story. Though it is ultimately a light-hearted, jocund film, it has that Dr. Seuss feel of deep morals that are seen in all of his books. Being said, this is the perfect adaptation of a Dr. Deuss book, and was great to behold. The characters were lovable, the humor was light, but still rude enough at times to tickle us adults, and the story was  solid. By no means was it a mind-blowingly great film, but it served its purpose as a fun movie-going experience. For a light-hearted romp through the mind of Dr. Seuss, The Lorax gets a very solid 3 stars, as I liked it, but would probably never see it again.