Netflix Movie Review: Birdemic (2010)

by Ryan

There aren't enough insults in the English language to sum up the amount of contempt that I have for this movie. Billed as a "great cult movie" among the likes of "The Room" and "Troll 2," I figured I'd give "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" a shot. After all, "The Room" is one of the best worst things I have ever seen in my entire life. Unfortunately, saying that "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" pales in comparison to Tommy Wiseau's masterpiece is an understatement. "Birdemic" is god awful with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. How I was able to sit through this hour and a half long piece of crap without falling asleep once if beyond me. Basically, "Birdemic" tells the story of a man and a woman who meet in this restaurant and then start dating. They knew each other in high school, the guy was really shy back then, yadda yadda yadda, it's really boring. Then, birds come out of nowhere are start attacking people for no apparent reason. Not just any birds, mind you. Poorly animated .gifs of eagles placed equidistant from each other inserted directly over shots of people pretending to shoo away nothingness. The sound effect of the same one bird squawking is literally played on a loop throughout the duration of each attack. There are three different eagle animations used during the movie: eagle just barely flapping its wings, eagle just barely flapping its wings with its back towards the camera, and eagle swooping down and crashing into something. There is no shock in this movie, nor is there any terror. In fact, they should have just called this movie "Birdemic: Shockingly Boring and Terrible." Now, I have seen plenty of horrible movies in my life but this one takes the cake. Every shot and scene is way longer than it needs to be, all of the dialogue is unrealistic and boring, and the "special effects" are atrocious. If I had a functioning time machine in my possession, I would use it to go back before I ever watched this movie and tell my past self to not even bother.

Rating: 1 out of 5 poorly animated eagles