VHS Review: The Lift (1983)

By Brian
2/5

I've seen a lot of horror movies about a wide variety of evil inanimate objects, but an elevator was a new one for me.  The Lift is about an elevator mechanic who is assigned to the task of finding out whats wrong with an elevator which is acting very evilly.  Fortunately for the characters and unfortunately for the viewer, the evil elevator totally sucks at killing people, sometimes I felt it wasn't even trying to murder.  The first 30 minutes of this movie is awesome, including a sweet decapitation (the highlight of the film) but then for 45 minutes or so, you are forced to sit through an entirely murderess investigation, where the antagonist goes around talking to scientists and college professors building up the entirely self-explanatory plot until I was ready to just fast forward through the talking parts..  Only about five or six people actually die in this movie, because you have to get pretty close to an elevator for it to actually get you, it can't exactly walk around and find its own victims.  Instead wasting your 90 minutes watching this whole tape, I would recommend watching of the decapitation part on youtube and then moving on with your life, 2 evil gooey microchips out of 5.

Download Special: Salo or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

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Tuesday Review: The Skin I live In (La piel que habito)

Brian's 2-cents:
The Skin I Live In is a tragic tale of revenge, starring Antonio Banderas playing Robert Ledgard, a rich and talented plastic surgeon.  Robert is haunted by the memory of his wife running away with his degenerate half brother, only for his brother to leave her burning alive after a car accident.  Robert is obsessed with skin, and is researching an artificial skin which is resistant to fire and bug bites, among other properties.  FLASHBACK!!! 6 years ago, Robert is at a fancy party when suddenly his half-crazy daughter is turned full-crazy when she takes a stroll to the ol' rapin tree.  Robby finds her unconscious under said tree and when she awakes in her father's arms, she thinks he raped her and is thereafter frightened of him.  Obviously this seriously pisses of old Robby, and, overcome by his lust for vengeance, kidnaps his daughter's rapist.  I can't give away any more plot without ruining the big reveal, but Robby tortures the shit out of this kid.  Banderas' character is amazing.  Slowly his kidnap victim turns from the object of his hatred to the object of his desire, and Robert becomes obsessed. Rob's intricate and completely soul-annihilating revenge is a pleasure to watch at first, but after a while, you're not sure if its what he really deserves.  The slow rate at which the film reveals information is a little tedious at times, but I liked how my emotions about which character to sympathize with and which to despise constantly changed.  This is a heavy psychological medical thriller somewhere in between The Human Centipede and Old Boy, definitely worth checking out, 4/5.

Jelani's Take:
It has been a while since an artsy and deep film such as this one has hit the commercial theater. I must say, we were prepared for a massive snooze-fest. With an extra large coffee and a roll of Rollos, I attacked this head on; ready for a boring foreign film. But, to my delight and surprise, The Skin I live In exceeded my low expectations by leaps and bounds. The storytelling style here was a bit jointed, (the story jumps from the weird present to the weirder past, then back to the fucked up present.) but it served the film well, as the major revelations unfold organically and really and truly surprised the hell out of me. Without giving anything away, I can tell you this much: the film centers around a demented plastic surgeon's obsessive revenge and the twisted family dynamics that serve as a backdrop of understanding for all characters present. This film is sick; not since Oldboy have I seen such an elaborate and fucked up revenge unfold. Banderas nails the role of determined socio/psycho-path good/bad guy. The story is really well developed, and there were really no plot-holes considering the convoluted dynamics present. There were a lot of "OHHH!" moments throughout, as the main character's insanity peels back its layers until the very end. The moral here: Don't fuck with Antonio Banderas! There was a bit of a lull in the middle, as the film seemed to struggle with making sense of itself, but the big revelation scenes that followed made up for it in spades. For being a sexy foreign film that also grossed me out a bit, The Skin I Live In gets 4 fucked up families out of 5. I recommend it.

Ryan's Retort:
There's not much that I can say that my movie crew cohorts haven't already covered. Except for maybe the cinematography, which was phenomenal. Jose Luis Alcaine helps paint a beautiful, expertly composed picture with his use of metallic yet fleshy colors. Which totally compliments the story itself, in addition to just looking fucking awesome. Initially, I thought this movie was going to suck eggs. I mean, the trailer doesn't even make any sense. It's just a bunch of weird clips put together that don't explain or even hint at what the movie is about. But I assure you, this movie is well worth the price of admission. Although the story is told in a somewhat unorthodox way, the strange format definitely adds some extra pizazz to the big twist in the latter half of the film. Yeah, I can't believe I just used the word "pizazz" either. If I'm ever a crazy, brilliant plastic surgeon and my sorta crazy daughter gets sorta raped by some punk kid, I would totally want to exact my vengeance upon him in the same brutal way that Antonio Banderas does in this movie. Actually, wait. No, I wouldn't... You guys, it's so hard to review this movie without writing any spoilers. Like seriously. The twist is so crazy! Go see it for yourselves! At first you'll be all like, "this is weird and confusing" but then when it's over you'll be all like, "that was weird and kinda really fucked up and I'm not confused anymore". 

Overview
Rating: 4 out of 5 "'does that make me gay?' moments"
Did Jelani Fall Asleep: No

VHS Review: RUN LOLA RUN (1998)

Brian's 2-cents:
3 unce unces out of 5
On a fine Sunday around college student breakfast time (2 pm), Jelani, Shiro, and I sat down to watch the only German movie ever made.  Run Lola Run is about a super hero with the power to run great distances and shatter glass with her voice.  However, these powers come with a cost, every time she runs, crappy 90's techno music plays around her. After her boyfriend idiotically looses his sack on the train, Lola has to come up with a way to get 100,000 doll hairs downtown to him before he shoots up a supermarket.  It takes her a few universes to get it right, because people in Germany can't drive for shit and keep hitting important characters with their cars.  Watching this movie was a pleasant break from the usual style of movies I watch, and went great with a big cup of coffee and a fat bowl of oatmeal-cereal.

Jelani's Take:
Run Lola Run was a pretty cool romp through three alternate universes that all corresponded to the initial mistake of literally losing $100,000. Now, bad choices aside, The film was highly entertaining. If you sit and watch this hungover on a sunday and tell yourself to ignore the obviously skewed decision making throughout, you will find yourself strung along a fun movie trip. the characters lacked any depth whatsoever, but it was somewhat fitting that such shallow characters are present within the shallow plot. There is definitely a foreign twinge to the film, as you are constantly reminded that this would never see the light of day in the US of A. In no respect was Run Lola Run bad. On the contraire! It was a high-energy, techno-filled film that succeeds in that it never takes itself too seriously. I can understand why it is so popular, as it has many similarities to the ever-popular crime film genre, with many unique twists of its own. And FYI: It reeks 90's throughout. For being a fun movie ride overall, this quirky German flick gets 4 out of 5 from me.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5