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| [N.H.C.S.] |
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Special Recomendation Movie Review "Dagon" by Brian
5 NHCS out of 5
This movie was recommended to me by my Movie Crew accomplice, Ryan. It is based on H.P. Lovecraft's The Shadow over Innsmouth and they kept it accurate to the story, except for the setting. The fish people look creepy and slimy, just as they should. This movie had it all: tentacles, naked hot chick sacrifices, and a whole church destroying scene. I would totally watch this one again, 4 apples, not one fucking worm. Cthulhu Fhtagn!
VHS Review "Deep Red" by Brian
3 apples (out of four)
This movie was an awesome scifi type action movie starring some guy who more or less looked and acted like Bruce Willis. It also had that guy from "Saw" Tobin Bell playing his one role as creepy old man. I was thoroughly entertained buy the grand amount of explosions, science, and people getting shot. Definitely a solid value at $1.
This movie was an awesome scifi type action movie starring some guy who more or less looked and acted like Bruce Willis. It also had that guy from "Saw" Tobin Bell playing his one role as creepy old man. I was thoroughly entertained buy the grand amount of explosions, science, and people getting shot. Definitely a solid value at $1.
Review of "Moneyball" by Brian
Apples-2
This movie was really long and mediocre. Brad Pitt has some good ass acting, but in the end, the director did a poor job of getting me to care about any of the characters. This movie had Jonah Hill not cursing or being funny at all, his best joke being "do want this door open or closed?" The movie got a little exciting when the team started winning, but that didn't last long. My favorite part of this movie was all the beautifully crafted spreadsheets. Fuck yeah spreadsheets! Actually the best part of the movie was that actor that plays Any on parks & recs, Criss Pratt. I fucking love Criss Pratt, he was good in this playing a non-retard role. Go see this movie with your dad, it counts as family bonding and you don't actually have to talk to him during the film.
Jelani's Two Cents
Yeah, it was really fucking boring. I'm not much of a sports guy, but I can get into a good sports movie. That is, if it actually has games in it. Instead of the underdog team rising to the top, you have numbers and statistics. If you're really a big baseball fan, then you will undoubtedly be won over by Brad Pitt in this one, but if not, then like me, you may only stay awake for the first 45 minutes. I can't even rate this.
Jelani's Two Cents
Yeah, it was really fucking boring. I'm not much of a sports guy, but I can get into a good sports movie. That is, if it actually has games in it. Instead of the underdog team rising to the top, you have numbers and statistics. If you're really a big baseball fan, then you will undoubtedly be won over by Brad Pitt in this one, but if not, then like me, you may only stay awake for the first 45 minutes. I can't even rate this.
Review of "Drive" by Brian
1 of Jelani's snores (out of 5)
The opening sequence of this movie was awesome! I mean hes going around, helping criminals, evading cops in cars AND helicopters, and driving like a fucking maniac. Then the opening credits and the beginning of a soundtrack worse than the Justin Beiber Live movie. The opening scene is pretty much the only good part of this movie, the rest was boring awkward looks between that douchey toothpick gnawing dude and that almost-hot-enough-to-bang-but-wait-shes-got-a-kid-nevermind chick. There are a couple cool killing parts but you have to sit through so much awful electronic music and boring emotional garbage that its really not worth it. Dont see this movie unless you feel like groaning a lot, A LOT.
On That Note, Here's Jelani's Take
This movie is the reason that we started this blog! The newspapers, magazines, and internet all said that this movie was fucking awesome. REALLY fucking awesome. But come on. How did they manage to fuck up the classic - "OOPS! I stole money from the wrong guy and now I have to escape from and kill mobsters who want to do terrible things to me" archetype? Oh, that's right! With shitty house music and a random almost-love relationship that drives the entire shit wagon. As you're watching it, you are able to think only one thing; can they just fucking FUCK already!?! The entire driving force behind this movie is Gosling's bleeding heart for his homely neighbor, which gets him in trouble with mobsters. He's a great guy who also kills people. I guess they were trying to go for an avante-garde juxtaposition between the two sides of Gosling's character. But it's super pretentious and really just uninteresting. Halfway through the film, it seems as if things have taken a sharp turn towards awesomeness. Gosling gets mixed up in some shit that's way out of his league, and is forced to brutalize some guys. But wait! Nope, just kidding, it goes right back to stupid romance crap. This would have been a great movie had the female role been interesting whatsoever. She and her son take up so much screentime with mundane boringness that the crime and excitement is essentially overshadowed. This could have been great. Really really really great, if these guys had stuck to the mold. If you're making a crime film, make it. Don't throw in a shitload of other meaningless crap just to make it seem more deep. More than half of this movie was completely superfluous. I only fell asleep for like 10 minutes near the end, so I suppose the good parts were good enough to stay conscious for, but the in between lulls were brutal. This could have been on the same level as Snatch, or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but instead... It sucked. 2 out of 5 wormy apples for you, crime dromance!
On That Note, Here's Jelani's Take
This movie is the reason that we started this blog! The newspapers, magazines, and internet all said that this movie was fucking awesome. REALLY fucking awesome. But come on. How did they manage to fuck up the classic - "OOPS! I stole money from the wrong guy and now I have to escape from and kill mobsters who want to do terrible things to me" archetype? Oh, that's right! With shitty house music and a random almost-love relationship that drives the entire shit wagon. As you're watching it, you are able to think only one thing; can they just fucking FUCK already!?! The entire driving force behind this movie is Gosling's bleeding heart for his homely neighbor, which gets him in trouble with mobsters. He's a great guy who also kills people. I guess they were trying to go for an avante-garde juxtaposition between the two sides of Gosling's character. But it's super pretentious and really just uninteresting. Halfway through the film, it seems as if things have taken a sharp turn towards awesomeness. Gosling gets mixed up in some shit that's way out of his league, and is forced to brutalize some guys. But wait! Nope, just kidding, it goes right back to stupid romance crap. This would have been a great movie had the female role been interesting whatsoever. She and her son take up so much screentime with mundane boringness that the crime and excitement is essentially overshadowed. This could have been great. Really really really great, if these guys had stuck to the mold. If you're making a crime film, make it. Don't throw in a shitload of other meaningless crap just to make it seem more deep. More than half of this movie was completely superfluous. I only fell asleep for like 10 minutes near the end, so I suppose the good parts were good enough to stay conscious for, but the in between lulls were brutal. This could have been on the same level as Snatch, or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but instead... It sucked. 2 out of 5 wormy apples for you, crime dromance!
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