Review of "Drive" by Brian

1 of Jelani's snores (out of 5)

The opening sequence of this movie was awesome! I mean hes going around, helping criminals, evading cops in cars AND helicopters, and driving like a fucking maniac.  Then the opening credits and the beginning of a soundtrack worse than the Justin Beiber Live movie.  The opening scene is pretty much the only good part of this movie, the rest was boring awkward looks between that douchey toothpick gnawing dude and that almost-hot-enough-to-bang-but-wait-shes-got-a-kid-nevermind chick.  There are a couple cool killing parts but you have to sit through so much awful electronic music and boring emotional garbage that its really not worth it.  Dont see this movie unless you feel like  groaning a lot, A LOT.

On That Note, Here's Jelani's Take
This movie is the reason that we started this blog! The newspapers, magazines, and internet all said that this movie was fucking awesome. REALLY fucking awesome. But come on. How did they manage to fuck up the classic - "OOPS! I stole money from the wrong guy and now I have to escape from and kill mobsters who want to do terrible things to me" archetype? Oh, that's right! With shitty house music and a random almost-love relationship that drives the entire shit wagon. As you're watching it, you are able to think only one thing; can they just fucking FUCK already!?! The entire driving force behind this movie is Gosling's bleeding heart for his homely neighbor, which gets him in trouble with mobsters. He's a great guy who also kills people. I guess they were trying to go for an avante-garde juxtaposition between the two sides of Gosling's character. But it's super pretentious and really just uninteresting. Halfway through the film, it seems as if things have taken a sharp turn towards awesomeness. Gosling gets mixed up in some shit that's way out of his league, and is forced to brutalize some guys. But wait! Nope, just kidding, it goes right back to stupid romance crap. This would have been a great movie had the female role been interesting whatsoever. She and her son take up so much screentime with mundane boringness that the crime and excitement is essentially overshadowed. This could have been great. Really really really great, if these guys had stuck to the mold. If you're making a crime film, make it. Don't throw in a shitload of other meaningless crap just to make it seem more deep. More than half of this movie was completely superfluous. I only fell asleep for like 10 minutes near the end, so I suppose the good parts were good enough to stay conscious for, but the in between lulls were brutal. This could have been on the same level as Snatch, or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but instead... It sucked. 2 out of 5 wormy apples for you, crime dromance!