Movies like The Descendants are the reason that we started this blog in the first place. Even though the middle aged snobs at the newspaper company might have you believe this is a good movie, you would be smarter to trust the brutal metal dudes here at Movie Crew Review when they say that this movie was fucking boring. Dramatic? yes. Acting? good. But does George Clooney punch anyone in the face? nope. Call me unsophisticated, but if I want drama, I'll just listen to my girlfriend talk about her stupid friends; when I go to the movies, I want VIOLENCE and BLOODSHED. I'm not going to talk about the plot of The Descendants because even thinking about watching that movie again makes me want to go sneak into the theater next door and watch the last 30 minutes of The Muppets. The Descendants is through and through a mom movie, and they should have a rating of 35F because this movie is incredibly boring for any non-female under the age of 35. Fucking sucked, not brutal, 1/5.
Ryan's Retort:
I can see why critics say that this was a good movie. It was an uplifting tale of rediscovery and coping with the loss of a loved one. However, I don't care nearly enough to watch George Clooney goofing off in Hawaii for two hours. The main plot of this movie revolves around George Clooney dealing with his angsty daughters, finding out that his wife was a huge bitch that was cheating on him and, on top of all that, she is also dead. Clooney proceeds to search the many islands of Hawaii for this mysterious man that his dead wife had been banging, presumably for some sort of revenge or something. Then when they finally meet, he doesn't do anything to the guy! The least he could have done was sleep with HIS wife. She totally wanted it too. But no, Clooney doesn't punch him or ruin his marriage or anything. And once that plot point is wrapped up, it leaves me absolutely nothing to care about. Also, the mysterious man turns out to be Matthew Lillard. Who the hell cheats on George motherfucking Clooney with Matthew Lillard? It just doesn't make any sense!
Jelani's Take:
Boooring! I regret my usual pre-movie coffee!
Overview
Rating: 1 out of 5 dead wives
Did Jelani Fall Asleep: No. Surprisingly.
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