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Welcome to Movie Crew Review! Where three of the most rad-tastic New Yorkers bring you correct and indisputably sound opinions. On a scale of 5 wormy apples and whether or not Jelani fell asleep, we will supply you with your fix of reviews of new releases (that we see EVERY TUESDAY), classics, and random movies that we find and add to our colossal (yet ever growing) VHS collection. It is our civic duty as movie buffs to right wrongs, deliver fair and truthful reviews, and fight crime! We’re shaking our heads at the idiotic and inaccurate reviews seen in newspapers, television, and even here on the internet. So, instead of going to the movies based on a review you read in the paper (we have learned, you cannot trust ANY of them!) and being sorely disappointed, let us guide you through the pearly gates of truly entertaining entertainment. Between the cynical Brian, the easily entertained (and also bored) Jelani, and the chock-full-of-actual-movie-knowledge Ryan, all of your questions about whether a movie is crap or gold will be answered. So open your mind, join the ranks of Movie Crew. Don’t trust those other reviewers, trust US!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

VHS Review: Red Planet (2000)

By Brian
2/5

Red Planet is about a bunch of dudes and Carrie-Anne Moss (Trinity from The Matrix) who are on the first manned mission to Mars.  Their job is to figure out why their terraforming projects on Mars have failed.  Although Moss is a lot hotter in this movie that The Matrix, this movie felt a lot like a "fix the ship" episode of Star Trek, which means it was boring for all you non-trekkies.  Red Planet is all over the place.  Its not about killer robots or aliens, but somehow those both got sneaked in there.  While I watched this movie all I could think about was how stupid everything was.  I felt like this movie should have focused more on the science, but instead its not focused at all.  Sure the astronauts get stuck on Mars and have to try and find their way out, but the characters are too shallow to care about.  The only good part of this move is the end where Val Kilmer says "Fuck this planet!" and gives it the middle finger so that the planet knows how Kilmer really feels about it.  Why did they bring the militarized robot? What are those stupid fucking bugs doing on Mars? and what kind of a first name for a dude is Val? These are questions that were unanswered by the end of the film. LAME!
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