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Welcome to Movie Crew Review! Where three of the most rad-tastic New Yorkers bring you correct and indisputably sound opinions. On a scale of 5 wormy apples and whether or not Jelani fell asleep, we will supply you with your fix of reviews of new releases (that we see EVERY TUESDAY), classics, and random movies that we find and add to our colossal (yet ever growing) VHS collection. It is our civic duty as movie buffs to right wrongs, deliver fair and truthful reviews, and fight crime! We’re shaking our heads at the idiotic and inaccurate reviews seen in newspapers, television, and even here on the internet. So, instead of going to the movies based on a review you read in the paper (we have learned, you cannot trust ANY of them!) and being sorely disappointed, let us guide you through the pearly gates of truly entertaining entertainment. Between the cynical Brian, the easily entertained (and also bored) Jelani, and the chock-full-of-actual-movie-knowledge Ryan, all of your questions about whether a movie is crap or gold will be answered. So open your mind, join the ranks of Movie Crew. Don’t trust those other reviewers, trust US!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Download Special: Castle Freak (1995)

by Brian
Jailbait and I just can't wait
Ryan recommended this movie to me because he knows how Lovecraft crazy I am .  Castle Freak is a lowish budget horror film about (surprise!) a horrible hideous freak who gets loose in a castle after years of torture and neglect.  The setting of this film is a huge Italian castle where it is always raining, but I doubt they actually filmed in one because they only show like four different rooms.  The film follows the worst dad ever and his family who inherit a castle after the old duchess dies off.  The family is haunted by the memory of a car accident which killed their five year old son and blinded their jail bait daughter.  The accident is of course the result of the fathers drinking problem, which of course reemerges in the movie and causes even more hardship.  This movie gets good when the freak gets loose (after biting his own thumb off) and proceeds to bite titties off and reduce people to mush with the chains he's always jangling around.  The most disturbing part of the freak was his grotesque shriveled balls which he kept waving around at everyone.  Castle Freak is a solid horror film with a smooth flowing plot, perfectly grotesque murder scenes, and laughably horrible parenting skills.

Rating: 4/5 shriveled monster ball sacks
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