So, Unlike Ryan, I have not seen the first two installments of this trilogy. How it got up to this point is beyond me, but that is besides the point. The point here is that someone, somewhere, in some dark and foreboding office made the executive decision to let this pile of crap see the light of day. The entire time, I was waiting for a climax, a plot, even a hint of some kind of overarching theme or revelation that would tie it in to the previous films, making me want to watch them. NOPE! Not even close. Instead, I sat through what seemed like 60 minutes (If I had known it would be so short, I would have stayed home and watched an episode of Star Trek: TNG, or like 4 episodes of Spongebob, Fuck!) of home movie quality "BOO!" footage. The entire premise, I suppose, is that this movie serves as a prequel to the first two films. Fine. Ok, let's do this. Oh wait, but there's no plot other than "there's a ghost that wants something and is haunting our house and family." Seriously, they don't even tell you what the fuck the ghost wants. I think this ghost, Toby wanted company. I mean, if I was a big ass invisible guy who could only hang out with a 4-year-old all the time, I'd be pretty pissed too. Yet I digress! The movie was shit. Way too short for its own good, anti-climactic, and generally unentertaining, other than a couple of scenes near the end where the ghost really cuts loose, I suppose I could say that half of the movie was pretty good, seeing as the last half hour was pretty cool and the first half hour was basically 80's home movie stock footage. I was unimpressed. A tidal wave of "WHAT!?!" washed over the entire crowd as the credits started to roll, so i think it's safe to say that everyone shared my sentiments. For one pretty cool murder, Satan worship, and a few Poltergeist-esque scenes, the normal activity of going to see a shitty new horror flick gets 2 out of 5 stars. Enjoy my money, jerks. You blue-balled me.
Ryan's Retort
Having seen the first two movies, I can say that I knew the format of this movie before it even started: nothing happens until maybe the last half hour and then some things start happening and then it's over. Well, I was exactly right. Except this time they move to a different house for the last half hour! Also, there's a Satanic old women cult. Which was pretty cool, but we really didn't learn much about it. Man, I hate to see so much potential go to waste. Just when things start getting really interesting, the credits pop up. I think they're just getting lazy now. However, I will say that I did enjoy myself despite the predictable plot and the lack of an ending. What this movie has that the other two don't are two creepy little girls! It was interesting for me to learn more about the demon ghost, named Toby apparently, and piece together exactly what it wanted from the grown up girls in the previous movies. But before I go on, what the fuck kind of demon name is Toby? That's retarded. They should have named it Abazagoroth or Demogorgon or Sammael or something even remotely demon like! Whatever. Anyway, there was this cool trick that they did by placing a camera on the oscillating part of a broken oscillating fan, which allowed for several vaguely spooky scenes. And I liked how they changed up the horror movie formula by having the wife be the skeptical one instead of the husband. Although, they did resort to some tried and true staples of the genre, i.e. pot smoking, sex taping, and a babysitter! Guess they're running out of ideas, huh? On that note, I can't wait to see what kinda bullshit they pull out of their asses for the next sequel!
Ryan's Retort
Having seen the first two movies, I can say that I knew the format of this movie before it even started: nothing happens until maybe the last half hour and then some things start happening and then it's over. Well, I was exactly right. Except this time they move to a different house for the last half hour! Also, there's a Satanic old women cult. Which was pretty cool, but we really didn't learn much about it. Man, I hate to see so much potential go to waste. Just when things start getting really interesting, the credits pop up. I think they're just getting lazy now. However, I will say that I did enjoy myself despite the predictable plot and the lack of an ending. What this movie has that the other two don't are two creepy little girls! It was interesting for me to learn more about the demon ghost, named Toby apparently, and piece together exactly what it wanted from the grown up girls in the previous movies. But before I go on, what the fuck kind of demon name is Toby? That's retarded. They should have named it Abazagoroth or Demogorgon or Sammael or something even remotely demon like! Whatever. Anyway, there was this cool trick that they did by placing a camera on the oscillating part of a broken oscillating fan, which allowed for several vaguely spooky scenes. And I liked how they changed up the horror movie formula by having the wife be the skeptical one instead of the husband. Although, they did resort to some tried and true staples of the genre, i.e. pot smoking, sex taping, and a babysitter! Guess they're running out of ideas, huh? On that note, I can't wait to see what kinda bullshit they pull out of their asses for the next sequel!
Brian's Two Cents
I don't really like movies where shit pops out at you, its a cheep scare. This movie had a couple of suspenseful parts which made me squirm, and it definitely got my heart rate going. I liked the lack of music in this film because normally the music gives away when to be scared, but in this movie, you're never safe. The problem with this movie is that it has no re-watch value. I know when all the scary parts are now, so why would I ever watch this again. Also, no explanation? that's wack! as a man of science, I need to know WHY!!!?!?!? This movie was worth the $3 I paid for it, but you couldn't pay ME to watch it again.
Overview
Rating: 2 out of 5 "BOO! I scared yous!"
Did Jelani Fall Asleep: No.
Did Jelani Fall Asleep: No.
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