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Welcome to Movie Crew Review! Where three of the most rad-tastic New Yorkers bring you correct and indisputably sound opinions. On a scale of 5 wormy apples and whether or not Jelani fell asleep, we will supply you with your fix of reviews of new releases (that we see EVERY TUESDAY), classics, and random movies that we find and add to our colossal (yet ever growing) VHS collection. It is our civic duty as movie buffs to right wrongs, deliver fair and truthful reviews, and fight crime! We’re shaking our heads at the idiotic and inaccurate reviews seen in newspapers, television, and even here on the internet. So, instead of going to the movies based on a review you read in the paper (we have learned, you cannot trust ANY of them!) and being sorely disappointed, let us guide you through the pearly gates of truly entertaining entertainment. Between the cynical Brian, the easily entertained (and also bored) Jelani, and the chock-full-of-actual-movie-knowledge Ryan, all of your questions about whether a movie is crap or gold will be answered. So open your mind, join the ranks of Movie Crew. Don’t trust those other reviewers, trust US!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Parents House Special: "Splice" (2009)

5 sexy abominations out of 5
I remember reading a review for Splice in the newpaper that said it was terrible, BUT THEY WERE FUCKING WRONG!  This movie wasn't enjoyable for the whole family, but I made my sister and mom sit through it anyway, because pops and I really wanted to watch it.  Splice is about Adrien Brody and some chick (Sarah Polley), who are punk rocky scientists messing around with combining different animal genes together.  After their bitchy boss lady tells them not to use human DNA, they do anyway.  At first the abomination is really gross, then its really cute, then its really sexy.  Did I just say sexy monster? yeah I did!  The abomination, which they name Dren, grows up in a matter of weeks to look like a bald hot chick with kangaroo legs and a sweet ass tail complete with brutal poisonous stinger.  I loved how Adrien Brody and I both came to realize that Dren was kinda hot at the same time. And after a super lame clothes-on sex scene between Brody and his mediocre looking girlfriend, you get to see Brody fuck this shit out of this monster.  Monster sex scene? you know I'm into that!  I don't want to give away too much, but the ending of this movie is creative and surprising.  See this movie, its one of the most original scifi films I've seen in a while.
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