VHS Review: "Fortress" by Brian

5 out of 5 intestinations

I had never heard of this movie, even with a star studded cast of Christopher Lambert (that guy from Highlander) and your favorite mean dad, Kurtwood Smith (Red from That 70's Show).  It even had Clifton Collins Jr, whom I immediately recognized as Tack from one of my favorite movies, The Stoned Age.  This movie takes place in a horrifying republican future where having a second child is illegal, but having an abortion is also illegal, leading to a prison filled with pregnant women.  The main dude gets caught trying to smuggle himself and his pregnant wife into Mexico, landing both of them in future prison.  Not only are the prison sentences ridiculously long in the future, they also put a little mechanical ball (intestinator) in your stomach and if you fuck up, you get "intestinated", potentially to death.  There's also this badass laser robot that will blow a fucking hole straight through you.  But wait there's more! in this prison they make it really easy to kill yourself (or others) by putting automatic intestinate lines all over and leaving huge cliffs for you to fall off everywhere.  I was thoroughly entertained as I watched Lambert try to figure out a way to save his wife and child before his baby is turned into a mechanical Borg looking dude.  Lambert winds up getting hold of this awesome machine gun and kills the shit out of like 30 Borgs (some super humans they turned out to be.)  In the end there's a massive explosion which really ties it up nicely.  This is a lost classic, would watch again.

Clifton Collins Jr.