Jelani's TakeOh sweet Jesus! Where in the fucking hell do i even start!?!? This movie was... Uh... Hm... Good? Yeah! It was good. I think. Well, I guess I'll start with this: A couple years back, Me, Brian and our old roommate Michael Giurato (May Satan have mercy on his soul...) went to see Human Centipede at the IFC theater downtown. It was a great time. For those who have never been to the IFC theater, it is a grand throwback to the way the movies used to be. People socialize, laugh, and generally have a great time. We of course, returned to this great theater to experience the sequel to this great movie. (regardless of how people feel about it, we loved it. Might have been the atmosphere or something, but whatever. Fuck off.) So! Naturally, we were ready for a similar experience; a horror/thriller romp through "100% medically accurate" playland! God, were we wrong. This black and white gore film is a parody of its first incarnation. It is disgusting. There were a couple of parts that I literally could not watch. It made Saw look like a slapstick episode of Looney Tunes. Like, really. Seriously. You've gotta have a strong stomach to watch this. Basically, the story follows a completely silent, mentally challenged, middle aged psycho toad of a man who is obsessed with the "100% medically accurate" precursor. Very egregiously, he kidnaps the most random assortment of people and then performs brutally crude amateur surgery on them. End. Throughout, we were hysterically laughing, as it was the only response that we could bring ourselves to. If you sit and watch this and take it seriously, it will be a bad trip. The characters are so ridiculous that one can't help but laugh. Oh, and did I mention that it is the most horrifically brutal movie I've ever seen? Oh yeah, I totally did. (geez, it's hard to shake those images.) But, overall it is well made. It is basically a big fuck you to everyone who criticized the ridiculousness of the first, and it had Easter eggs galore for those of us who enjoyed it. If you want to have a great time at the movies, go see this shit at the IFC. You won't know what to think afterwards, and you will undoubtedly have some laughs repeating the awesome one-liners and golden character moments (hint hint, there are just over a dozen of them) afterwards. Every scene is gut-wrenching, and dark, and weird, and artsy, and tongue-in-cheek, and over-the-top. For being a unique movie experience in every way, shape, and form, Human Centipede 2 definitely gets SOME stars.
Ryan's Retort
What. The. Fuck. I don't even know whether I liked this movie or not. I mean, I definitely had a good time watching it. I think. But it's like Tom Six went out of his way to make this movie the most fucked up, disgusting, and distasteful movie of all time. For example, the protagonist of the story is a really crazy, really fat retarded midget that barely speaks and was sexually abused by his father as a baby. Cool, huh? It gets worse. This story takes place in the "real" universe, in which the original "Human Centipede" is just a film. And said fat retarded midget just happens to be completely obsessed with it. He has handmade scrapbooks, a pet centipede, the works. Also, he's been working on a human centipede of his own; a full sequence human centipede with ten people, which includes a loud-mouth British wanker, the main actress from the first movie, and a pregnant woman. Yeah, that's right. A fucking pregnant woman. Is nothing sacred in this movie? Yes. Nothing is sacred indeed. I won't give away all of the details, but that baby dies in a very very awful way. Also, there's a part when poop is literally flung at the camera. Yucky! I recall my Movie Crew counterpart, Brian, asking why they would decide to shoot in black and white. At the time we didn't know. Well, by the end of the movie we got our answer. If this movie was in full color, it would be completely and utterly unwatchable. Take from that what you will. I'm going to go cry.
Brian's 2-cents
I enjoyed squirming and uncomfortably giggling while I watch the rotund baby rapped mute eat a nice dinner with his mother whom seconds before had her entire head and face completely annihilated by a crowbar leaving nothing but a crooked, jutting jaw bone and some bloody matted hair. This movie was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen, and I own 2 snuff films on VHS. SOME STARS!
Overview
Rating: Some stars
Did Jelani Fall Asleep: No. God no.
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